I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
