no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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