i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
