Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
