38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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