he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
