I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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