I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize