My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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