At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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