Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize