that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
