He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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