you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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