i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
