nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
