There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize