I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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