Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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