im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
