If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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