dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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