I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
