oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize