She is in my trunk
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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