Im at strip club and am horny
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
