Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize