We're like a lot better than the average bears
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
