Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
