yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize