I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
