Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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