Where are you?
In a non slutty way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
