Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
