I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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