Your face is a jimmy john
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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