I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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