I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
