Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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