shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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