And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
