The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
