sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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