Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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