the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
