They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ttyl tear gas
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize