you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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