I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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