i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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