Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
