How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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