Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
