i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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