all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
