I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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