Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
whose parrot is this?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
