Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
