I love black thongs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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