Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
