I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
