If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
