I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think people are normalizing furries
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
