that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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