There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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