I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize