I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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