I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
