are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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