I'm jealous of your bromance
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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