He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
