Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Houston, we have a squirter
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
