You smell like a Billy Joel song
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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