Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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