I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
