Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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