You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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