does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
