I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Vodka?
Forever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
