Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
