I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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