Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
