I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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