how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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