There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
