it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
