We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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