How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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