He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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