I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
