On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
