I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
