I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize