I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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