nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
