I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
