Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
