drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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