I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
