Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
