I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
