His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
