And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
