Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
