we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
