I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
