The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
